We’re in debt because of childcare. Is it a spending problem?
No. When the debt came from childcare or a drop to one income, it’s a cash-flow gap, not a character flaw. The fix is the same either way: get every creditor on a plan, ideally through a non-profit credit counsellor, and budget the next 12 months of childcare as a fixed bill.
By Max, founder of ftrme · Updated We’re a couple in our early 30s. Childcare costs pushed us into about $50k of consumer debt. We feel awful. What do we do?
In our study, the top reply in this thread said a debt like that “means you have a spending problem”. The most helpful reply, which mentioned forgiving yourselves and calling a non-profit counsellor, sat much lower. See the study.
What does the internet usually say?
- “$50k of consumer debt means you have a spending problem.”
- Non-profit credit counselling.
- “Forgive yourselves.”
- Call your creditors.
Why that isn’t enough
The diagnosis was wrong and the good advice was buried. Shame between partners is often what stops couples from making the calls. Start by agreeing it’s a shared problem with a shared plan.
The plan, in order
- Sit down together for 30 minutes. No blame. One list: every debt, rate and minimum.
- Call a non-profit credit counsellor. In the US, NFCC member agencies offer free or low-cost reviews and can set up a debt management plan with lower rates.
- Check childcare help you might be missing. Employer dependent-care accounts, tax credits for childcare, and local subsidies. In the UK, look at Tax-Free Childcare and free hours.
- Treat childcare as rent. Put the next 12 months of it in the budget first, then plan debt payments around what’s left.
- Pick one shared win per month. One card cleared, one call made. Celebrate it out loud.
Send your partner one line: “Can we do 30 minutes on Sunday to make one list? No blame, just the list.”
Illustrative numbers: 7%/yr average return, monthly deposits, not a guarantee. This is general information, not financial, legal or tax advice. For your specific situation, a fee-only adviser, a non-profit credit counsellor or a lawyer can help.
Quick answers
What does a non-profit credit counsellor do?
They review your income and debts for free or a small fee, help you budget, and can set up a debt management plan where creditors agree to lower rates and you make one monthly payment.
Should one partner control all the money?
Not necessarily. It works better when both see the numbers and agree on the plan, even if one person handles the payments.